Please read??????????????????????????

This is copyrighted… pay the fines if you try to copy.

Now that is done with the name Rupert I think was mentioned in the Hunger Games. I had written this story a month before the Hunger Games was published. This story i admitt is not going anywhere so far. It’s locked away in my writing vault waiting to one day be finished. So tell me what you think I’m open to suggestions and opinions. I know it’s long but that’s the beauty of it :)

Paisleys

Chapter 1
I was already awake long before the horn began to sound. I pulled the cold plastic bed sheets off of my sore legs trying not to wake anyone with the stiff crinkling of the material. I crouched down to retrieve my leather boots from under my bed. When I heard the rustling of my cousin in her bed on the top bunk I knew I wouldn’t have to wake her up this morning. I shook the dust bunnies off of my boots, being careful not to tear the fur lining on the inside. They were a new gift from my parents for my eighteenth birthday and I made sure to hide them. My cousin Rose slid down the ladder and on the floor, she flopped down stomach lying on the cold marble floor. Almost everyone one of us was up slipping on our tunics and boots for another day of work. Yet my cousin was still rolling on the floor not even out of her shredded pajamas yet. Mechanically I kicked her gently on the leg and she yelped and grabbed her clothes.
“Can’t you let me be for five seconds?” She complained. She was only three year younger then me but she whined like she was four again.
“No we’re both going to get in trouble unless you get up!” I usually wasn’t this mean but then again this was my annoying relative who shouldn’t even be here. I pulled my long black hair into a side ponytail that went to my hips. “Are you getting up or what?” I called to Rose’s sleeping body. At first she didn’t respond but then we heard the door slam open. Rose was already on her feet and hid behind me. Rupert the head master bounded his way into the room.
“Get up! Get up or it’s lashings for all of you!” He drunkingly yelled-bits of his breakfast fell off his rust colored beard- and he slammed the titanium door behind him. Before I could turn around Rose had her boots and gear on and ready to go. The girls filed out of the room oldest to youngest with me in the front and Rose in the back. Unlike everybody else I lovedbeing outdoors, being outside all day wasn’t a punishment it was a reward. The boys who were two living quarters away from us came out the same time with Copper in front. Copper waved at me and I lifted my hand allowing myself a small wave back. I felt the blood run to my cheeks and pretended to wipe something off my face to hide the blush. It was the first day of autumn after an otherwise rainy summer season. The mantle trees spread their long limbs out and sunlight peeked its way through the tree’s light golden leaves. I couldn’t help the smile that slid its way onto my face. The mantle birds famous for their gold feathers were chirping a tune that started out soft but would crescendo to a heart wrenching high note. I breathed in a deep breath and smelled the honey sap that oozed its way from the bark of the dangle tree. I walked confident steps to the opening of the thick forest and stopped. We all turned around to face Rupert; he smiled showing us several teeth that have gone missing and two that were rotting from the inside out. I felt Copper’s very own presence as he stood beside me. It took me every ounce of strength not to reach for his hand. Rupert walked by each and everyone one of us stopping to examine the condition we were in. When he stopped by me I smelt the liquor dominantly on his breath I held my breath as he stopped and then moved on. I exhaled a long breath and looked at Copper out of the side of my eye. I stifled a laugh as I caught him doing the same thing. Copper was about to whisper something when Rupert began to go on a rant.
“That’s it no one is getting any tools today! None of you are even deserving of it! You have five hours to finish your jobs today. I would feel sorry for anyone who doesn’t get the requirement.” His face was turning purple fast and someone suggested that he might be choking.
“On what, air?” A boy called out in response.
“Someone has to do something we can’t just start without a head master.” I heard Rose say. I stepped forward silently and tiptoed my way to Rupert. He was on his knees his greasy head down and one hand on his throat. I reached one hand forward and that’s when I felt a tough tug on my hair. My head jerked down to Rupert’s head. “I suggest you go back to your friends now.” He said and pushed me back. I stumbled and my ankle got caught on a root of a nearby tree. I felt Copper’s hands on my arms helping me up.
“Are you all right?” He said softly, his blue eyes burning through my retinas.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I said brushing off the leaves and dirt off. Rupert stumbled to his feet his joints popping in the process, “this
little lady gets the tools today!” He said pointing to me. I felt envious eyes behind me. I backed up slowly and watched with the others as Rupert pulled out and axe, knives, spears, and a worn tan backpack to hold them in. He reached out in front of me and dropped it at my feet with a loud thud. “Everyone get to work, now!” Rupert said opening a canteen which I believed held more of his alcohol. He gulped the clear liquid down his and coughed as it burned his throat. When he finally turned his back toward us I was the first one to walk into the Terren Forest. The Terren Forest was hundreds of miles long separating the country of Seter into two. My hunting skills were beginning to pulse through me as I took silent steps toward a cluster of trees. The twenty of us began to split up. I heard Rose’s careless steps behind me, and I began chopping down the nearest mantle tree. Rose watched me as I swung the sharp blade to make a thin wedge in the tree’s bark.
“Can you please go somewhere
else?” I said getting frustrated at her being my constant shadow.
“I won’t be able to get the requirement without you.”
“Ugh!” I grunted with one finally swing and the mantle began to tilt toward us. I shoved Rose out of the way of the tilting tree and watched as the mantle sap began to poor out of the core of the tree stump. “Fine take it.” I handed her the axe and she grabbed it in her small hands. “Listen I’m sorry I’ve been so tough on you I just don’t know how to handle this whole ‘parenting’ thing I promised your mom I would watch over you.” I felt awkward as Rose wrapped her arms around my waist. Should I hug her back? I thought but she immediately put her hands down when we heard a commotion a couple of yards a way from us.
“What was that?” I said tuning my ears into the shouts of the other workers.
“Come on!” Rose said and tugged my arms as we ran to the now desperate shouts. When we reached the crowds of people surrounding a tree trump Rose and I pushed are way through
the mob to find Joyce a girl in my living quarters flopped down face down, her body contorted around a tree trunk. I put my ear to her mouth and heard struggling gasps as she was getting closer to death. She was starving and large cuts and sores covered her arms.
“What happened?” I asked, turning to the crowd.
“She just fainted right there out of nowhere.” Copper said. We couldn’t just let her die here. She was the youngest out of the whole group and she still had a whole lifetime ahead of her. Treatments and remedies started running through my mind.
“Rose! Hand me the axe!” I yelled, and I went through my crazy plan again. Rose tossed me the axe and I cut into the mantle tree the sap came pouring out. I put a glob on my hand and applied the light yellow sap on her cuts and sores. That should heal it.
“Now what? Are you going to feed her some bark?” A sarcastic voice came through the crowd. I shook the comment off and didn’t let it get to me.
“Rose come here,” I motioned her over. “I need you to watch over Joyce for me. Make sure that if she wakes up she drinks some water. Can you do this?” I handed her my leather canteen not expecting her to answer. I put my arm through the shoulder straps of the backpack with the tools.
She just shook her head, “Where are you going?” She asked. But I was to far ahead to hear her.
Chapter 2
I had to be going insane. I don’t how I thought I was going to get away with this but my feet kept on moving forward. I just needed to get past the guard’s tower and I could finish the rest of my plan. I peaked around the boy’s living quarters and saw the tall brick building that was the guard’s tower. Two men circled the building and two more were guarding the front door. When the guard closest to me walked around so that I couldn’t see him anymore, I pulled out a spear and pulled my arm back. It flew right by the guards in front of the tower. Their heads turned toward my direction. I hid behind the building and walked to the other side. All of the guards were coming in my direction. Okay, now what? I thought. I hadn’t planned this part out it was just instinct. The guards were less then five feet away from me. I run for the woods surrounding the tower and I can hear footsteps hitting the dirt packed ground behind me. The thick trunks of the trees kept me hidden while the
guards stopped and talked before entering the Terren forest. The two guards who guarded the door came down my path and the other two went the other direction. I pulled another spear from the bag and kept my back resting on the tree trunk, hidden from their view. If they got any closer I would have to do something I never wanted to do. Against all the silent wishes in my head the guards were coming closer. They were walking side by side and when they came right by me I took the spear and shoved it into the first guard’s side. The spear went through the guard and right into the other guard’s thigh. The first guard fell to the ground dragging the other guard with him onto the forest floor. I tugged the spear from the guard’s lifeless bodies and checked their bolster for any weapons. I retrieved a knife and a dart gun and I put them in my bag.
I turned from the bodies full of regret; I wiped the blood off my hands on a nearby bark making sure nothing was left. I had no time to mourn the deaths of two people I didn’t know I had to keep on going. I came out of the woods and grabbed the spear I had used for a distraction. I walked past the guard’s tower keeping myself near the edge of the forest in case I had to make a run for it. When I got to the little block of shops I walked my way past the shops with cheerful people laughing and going on with their life and walked toward the building that was smaller then our own living quarters. It was the only shop with a good view of the port and its docks that led the mantle trees we cut down everyday to be shipped to the capital city. I opened the glass door of the grocery store.
The cashier gave me a polite smile and I nodded and smiled back. The store was rather empty except for three kids who were running up and down the aisles. I headed for the fruits and vegetables aisle and stopped to see an assortment of color of foods in front of me. I had never seen this much food before but I grabbed a small plastic bag that was revolving with the others off a spinning machine. I started stuffing foods I had no idea what they were into the bag. I got a couple vegetables that were green and had a thick stump and bushed out on the top like a tree. I ripped the individual tag with a bar code that was put on each fruit and vegetable and left a small pile of white tags on the blue tiled floor. Once the bag was full I put it in my bulging backpack and walked toward the aisle with shelves full with loaves bread. There was wheat bread, white bread, multigrain bread, I didn’t now which to get. Then it hit me that it didn’t matter what type of bread I got it would not fit in
the backpack. I walked down the aisle I was sure there wasn’t such thing as mini bread so I when I got to bread rolls I had to settle. I shoved two packages in my backpack. I walked slowly to the front of the store and the cashier who had smiled at me was reading a magazine and blowing bubbles with something pink that popped when it got to big. I casually walked by her and when she saw my overflowing backpack she stepped out of her counter and blocked my path.
“Miss you needed to pay for those.”
“Oh, okay.” I reached for my bag and pulled out the dart gun. When she saw it her eyes widened, though she had nothing to worry about they were just sleep darts. I shot one in her left arm and she staggered and fell on the floor.

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8 Responses to Please read??????????????????????????

  1. Jason B says:

    lol no

  2. Alex says:

    To long to read

  3. Nessie says:

    wow your a good writter just thought i’d say. kee writing

  4. Kaitlyn says:

    it could be a good story if i knew what happened before this part. things like where are they? why are they there? what is the time and setting? it sounds interesting but it needs to be finnished.

  5. hpfan963 says:

    Wow. Awesome story. Please make sure you get this published one day. I’m serious finish writing and make sure you get this published. I need toknow what happens.

  6. Jump for Joy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! says:

    You should really publish that. it is really good, you could be an author or wait you alreaady are! I write stories like that to all the time, you write them like me, and I also have a place where I write my stories.You should keep up the totally awesome work!

  7. ersatz_catz says:

    tl;dr

    I read part of the beginning. Too many run-on sentences. There are things called commas; use them.

    It didn’t catch my attention. I didn’t like it.
    You should have probably spent your money on something else.

  8. Just Human says:

    Okay, wow, first of all be glad I even read it, second of all way to many descriptive words, contrary to what many people say you don’t need to describe everything, now heres the part you better appreciate I went through this and picked out most every descriptive word to show you an example of how many you used in your writing:

    cold plastic, sore legs, stiff crinkling, leather boots, rustling, fur lining,flopped, cold marble, shredded, yelped,long black, sleeping, slam, bounded, drunkingly, rust colored, slammed, titanium, long limmbs, light golden, gold feathers, deep, thick, long breath, greasy, tough tug, softly, blue eyes, loud thud, clear liquid, burned, silent, depsperate, contorted, stuglling, large, leather canteen, shoulder straps, tall brick building, dirt packed ground, thick trunks,glass door, thick stump, bulging backpack,

    There ya go… that’s a mighty lot of words, and trust me they were not subtly put into your writing. That’s the thing, you want to subtly put descriptive words into your writing. Don’t let the words speak for you, let the writing speak.

    So, stop using so many nice sounding words, cause they don’t so nice when you use them. Next there’s a ton of spelling, and improper word usage as far as past tense and present tense go. For example you used one word like “You needed to pay for those.” You should put “You need to pay for those.” There were many other. Bad grammar, poor usage of sentence structure.I felt like I bumbled through the story and it was not very nice at all. Just saying, in my opinion.

    Keep writing and you’ll get better.

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